There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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