Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
