I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
