It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
