She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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