I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
