Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
