She is in my trunk
"it" just moved
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
