To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
