So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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