All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
