sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
