How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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