I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
