That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
