Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
