So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
