She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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