You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
