you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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