I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
