wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
