there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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