ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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