I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
