I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
