happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
