dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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