Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
