i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
