finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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