so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
