We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
