if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She just used a chaser for red wine.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
