can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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