just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
