I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
