I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Two words: blizzard sex
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
