I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
