i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
