Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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