omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
