I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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