I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
