why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
