I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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