I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
