Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
my liver is dry heaving
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
