I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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