every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
